It’s as if we’ve divided the world into “those who offer help” and “those who need help.” The truth is that we are both. Need is the most beautiful compact between humans. Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we’re very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. And no amount of money, influence, resources, or sheer determination will change our physical, emotional, and spiritual dependence on others. It’s as if you’re raising your hand and saying, “Although I didn’t know you and I clearly do not understand clinical depression and suicide, I’m going to continue judging people who die from it even if it causes unimaginable pain and trauma to the survivors and further stigmatizes mental illness because it makes me feel better than, safer, and more comfortable.” To say that suicide is selfish is not only wrong-it’s ironically and sadly incredibly self-protective. Just like cancer, it unfortunately doesn’t work that way. I think we do this because we want to believe that if you do everything you’re supposed to do, this will never happen. We also send strong messages to the people around us, including our children, friends, and employees, when they ask for help and, in return, we treat them differently-as if they are now less reliable, competent, or productive.Īnd when we respond to a tragedy like this one with unfounded comments and criticism about how someone whom most of us didn’t know at all managed her struggle, her meds, her work, her family-whatever the focus-we help create that culture where it feels like help-seeking just opens us up to more pain and judgment. We can encourage our children to ask for help however, if they don’t see us reaching out for support and modeling that behavior, they will instead attach value to never needing help. You would think the universal nature of struggle would make it easier for all of us to ask for help, but in a culture of scarcity and perfectionism, there can still be so much shame around reaching out, especially if we’re not raised to understand the irreducible nature of human need. And if we’re really paying attention, most people have a story that will bring us to our knees. I say dangerous because they’re never true.Įveryone has a story or a struggle that will break your heart. The news of these deaths is a cruel reminder about the realities of depression and anxiety, and about the dangerous stories that we make up about those “successful” people who don’t know anything about pain and never need help. I still wear her jewelry, use her stationery, and love her clothes. My first bag was a giraffe-print “Sam bag”-it took me six months to save enough money to buy it. I carried it every single day for two years. I had so much respect for his fearlessness, transparency, and love of people. I adored his work, and our family made it a point to put all of his recommendations on our travel lists.
#Everyone has a story full#
Like David, I now believe the white pages are chock full of amazing, untold stories.I woke up this morning to the news of Anthony Bourdain’s death. Turns out I couldn't have been more wrong. "I never dreamed you could actually find good stories like that. "I was doing it more or less as a joke," Hartman said years later. After interviewing David in '94, Hartman tried the idea himself.
For more than 2 decades he has been picking people out of his local phone book and putting their stories on the front page. Johnson works for the Lewiston, Idaho Morning Tribune. The idea for "Everybody Has a Story" came from a newspaper reporter named David Johnson. His oldest was an 87-year-old woman from Louisiana who still does her son's laundry. His youngest subject was a 5-year-old boy from Tennessee who liked to float balloons to his grandmain heaven. When all was said and done, Steve had profiled nearly 100 people from Maine to Miami - from the Oregon coast to the Arizona desert. The project started in 1998 and ran through 2004 when Steve reluctantly gave up the project to serve as a commentator on 60 Minutes II. Before leaving, the subject of the story threw the dart (backwards and over the shoulder to prevent aiming) sending them on their next adventure.
The second day was mostly shooting and interviewing. Much of the first day was spent trying to figure out the person's "story". After meeting a family and convincing them that he really wasn't selling anything, Steve and his cameraman Les Rose usually spent about 2 days with their subjects.